


Smurftastic

by Kelkat9



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Adventure, F/M, Fluff, Humor, Romance, smurfs - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-25
Updated: 2014-04-25
Packaged: 2018-01-20 19:33:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1522967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kelkat9/pseuds/Kelkat9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TenII, Rose and Torchwood meet the Smurfs.  Gargamel played by special guest star.  Nothing but a funny, fluffy and cracky little fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Smurftastic

**Author's Note:**

> Well this came about late one night after a conversation on LJ with whoinwhoville. There might be a smidgen of angst but if you blink, you've missed it. This is 99% fluff.
> 
> * * *

  
The ground trembled and a crack appeared in the pavement around Canary Wharf at Torchwood headquarters. Alarms were sounding within Torchwood itself, and people were scrambling up and down the halls as the call was made to evacuate the building. All non-essential personnel quickly exited the building. In a lab, deep within one of the underground levels of Torchwood, Dr. Malcolm Taylor along with Pete, the Doctor, Rose, Jake and some of Malcolm’s assistants, were frantically analyzing unusual dimensional rift activity that seemed to be occurring within Torchwood itself.

“Ha!" the Doctor exclaimed. It’s sub-basement C-7 in the artifact level,” he shouted to all of them as he stared at one of five computer screens cycling data.

Pete immediately contacted Torchwood security to secure the level. He turned to the Doctor. “Anything more you can tell us?”

“Yep. It’s stopped. Well, at least for the time being. We need to get down there and find out what, if anything, came through and get some more accurate readings. Until I get down there, I can’t tell what caused this.”

Pete nodded. “Malcolm, I want you and your team to continue monitoring and contact us immediately if there’s any change. Doctor, you, Rose, and Jake and I will head down and check it out.”

They loaded into the lift, and the Doctor looked at Jake, who was securing his firearm. “Must you?”

“Yeah. Anything happened to you or Rose, and Jackie’d kill me. Sides, not all of us are all that skilled at talkin’ things to death,” Jake told him and smirked. Rose tried to look in another direction to hide her snickering.

“You sayin’ my mouth should be registered as a lethal weapon?” the Doctor asked with a hint of amusement in his voice. Jake just grinned. “Well, you may be right. I am brilliant. Solved 95.999% of most misunderstandings and conflicts with my brilliance I have,” the Doctor bragged.

“Yeah, and what about the other 4.1%?” Pete asked.

“Oh, you know, cobbled something to together as I went. Throw ‘em into a black whole, freeze ‘em in time, imprison them in a mirror and the like.” He turned to Jake and pointed his finger at the weapon. “Carrying an implement of death does nothing but set the tone for violence and more death.”

“Doctor, sometimes you are far scarier than any gun,” Jake told him, shaking his head. Before the Doctor could say anything, the lift doors opened to the sub-basement. The Doctor pulled out his sonic and Jake tensed with his gun drawn, despite the Doctor’s withering look.

Jake and the Doctor stepped out into the cold, empty, gray corridor. The lights flickered occasionally as they carefully made their way toward the rift activity. Jake and the Doctor were leading while Pete, with his gun drawn, and Rose with her hand held scanner followed. “Anything, Rose?” Pete asked, as he kept watch behind them.

“No. Whatever it was, it’s not active now. Still, there’s something funny up ahead. The sonic showing anything, Doctor?”

“Yep. It’s not very big, whatever it is.” Suddenly, the Doctor stopped. “You hear that?”

“What the hell is that?” Jake asked as he listened to what sounded like singing.

“La la lalalala la lalalalaaaaa.”

They all stopped and turned to look at each other. The Doctor and Rose were grinning at each other. Jake had a confused look on his face, and Pete was concerned but a smile was starting to crack his face. “Um, they sound happy,” Rose said, still smiling.

“Always a good sign,” the Doctor agreed. He took Rose’s hand and they strode purposely toward the singing while Jake and Pete just looked at each other before following them a bit more cautiously.

A door opened ahead of them to their left, and a little blue creature about five inches high wearing white trousers and a white hat peered out at them, its eyes wide, and dashed back inside. The singing stopped, and they could hear some scuffling. The Doctor walked up to the door. “Hello in there! I’m the Doctor, and this is Rose. We mean you no harm. Just want a bit of a chat is all?”

The room was dark except for dim emergency lights. It was a storage area filled with shelves holding boxes and artifacts. The Doctor and Rose carefully stepped in looking around. There was a scampering noise and Rose thought she saw something move on a lower shelf. She knelt down. “Hello? It’s all right. We won’t hurt you. We want to help.”

All of a sudden, a blue creature with red trousers, a hat and a white beard stepped forward. “Well, hello there,” the Doctor said softly, and smiled.

The blue creature looked all of them up and down and then focused on Rose. “Are you a princess?”

Rose giggled and smiled brightly. “No, I’m just a normal girl. I’m Rose. Who are you?”

The little blue creature smiled brightly at her and had a twinkle in his eyes. “I am Papa Smurf. My smurfs and I were caught in storm created by the Wizard Gargamel and were brought to this place. I need to know where we are so I can find a way home for us.”

“You’re a smurf!” the Doctor shouted out excitedly. “I’ve always wanted to meet a smurf!”

Rose grinned at the Doctor’s excitement. “Oh, well, you’re at Torchwood Canary Wharf in London on Earth. Where are you from?” Rose asked him.

“We live in the forest.”

“Of course you do! Problem is, that’s no where around here. Hmmm, so this Gargamel fellow opened a rift and you fell through. Well, that won’t do at all. This is no place for smurfs,” the Doctor told them, still grinning.

“Are you a wizard?”

“Me? Nawww. Don’t worry, I’ll get you home.” The Doctor turned to Pete. “We have to get them out of here, Pete.”

“You sure about this, Doctor? They’re not carnivorous or anything, are they?” Pete asked, warily.

Papa Smurf laughed. “Oh, no, we’re farmers and gathers. We really prefer glow berries. If you would be so kind as to provide us a safe place, I’m a bit of an alchemist, and I’m sure the Doctor and I can find a solution."

Several of the smurfs peeked out. A blonde female smurf wearing a white dress, white hat and little white pumps walked up to stand next to Papa Smurf. She looked up at the Doctor and batted her eyelashes. “Hello, I’m Smurfette.”

“Well, look at you. A little blonde smurf.” He turned and looked at Rose, grinning, and winked at her. “Hello, Smurfette! I’m the Doctor, and this is Rose. We’re pleased to meet you.” Smurfette walked over to Rose and looked at Rose’s blue nail polish.

“Your nail color is smurftastic!” Smurfette exclaimed.

“Why, thank you! Aren’t you lovely and stylish too!” Rose told Smurfette. Soon the rest of the smurfs were pouring out until the floor was awash with a sea of blue smurfs.

Pete went into organizer mode. “Right, well, let’s get you lot out of here and somewhere more comfortable,” he told them, pulling his phone out and ringing Malcolm. “Malcolm, we have guests. We may need your lab and somewhere a bit more comfortable for them to wait. You still have all those plants in your office? Good. They’re used to living in the forest so that might make them a bit more comfortable. Yes, I said the forest,” Pete told Malcolm and started walking down the hall while on his mobile. “Well, they’re smurfs. Yes, that’s what I said. Smurfs, they fell through the rift and keep everyone on alert. They say they were being attacked by a wizard name Gargamel. That’s right, I said wizard. I’ll be getting the description to you.” The conversation became muted as Pete walked away.

Jake stepped up. “Uh, hulloo there. I’m Jake and responsible for security. Don’t s'pose you could describe this wizard,” he asked the smurfs.

“Of course. He’s dressed all in black with short blonde hair and blue eyes. He’s quite evil and carries a silver wand that shoots lightning bolts.”

“Riiigght,” Jake responded with raised eyebrows and nodding his head.

“Papa Smurf, what does this wizard want with you?” the Doctor asked.

“Oh, he thinks smurfs are a necessary component to his magic potions. He also mentioned eating us a few times.” Papa Smurf turned toward the rest of the smurfs, who were murmuring among themselves. “Don’t worry, smurfs, that won’t happen.”

“You’re right, that won’t happen! We won’t let it, will we, Doctor,” Rose stated, now annoyed at whoever was threatening the smurfs.

The Doctor grinned at her. "Nope! No evil sorcerer will harm a smurf on my watch. So, Papa, shall we?” the Doctor asked Papa Smurf, motioning toward the door. Jake wheeled a cart over for the smurfs to climb on board. Papa Smurf rode on the Doctor’s shoulder with Handy Smurf, and Smurfette sat atop Rose’s shoulder, braiding her hair.

After all the Smurf’s were settled into Malcolm’s office with some Torchwood agents who had brought refreshments, the Doctor, Rose, Papa Smurf, Smurfette, Brainy Smurf, and Handy Smurf were discussing what to do to get the smurfs home. Brainy and Handy were scampering around the work table, examining the computer equipment and monitors with awe and quietly arguing over the use of each item.

“I’m telling you, Handy, that is a magic potion that smurfs people into mushrooms. I’m smurfing sure of it!” Brainy told him with an arrogant, self-assured attitude, and he pointed to a bottle of Vitex sitting on Malcolm’s cluttered work area.

“No, you’re not. How the smurf can you know that! You’ve never smurfed here before,” Handy replied.

Malcolm’s assistants watched the argument with amusement while Malcolm practically tripped over himself trying to avoid the dispute and have a discussion with Papa and the Doctor.

“Yes, well, Papa, your list of ingredients is a bit problematic,” Malcolm told him, adjusting his glasses. “You see, our inventory doesn’t contain um, eye of newt, glow berries, mandrake root juice and powdered euphoria.”

“I see,” Papa Smurf responded, rubbing his chin in thought.

“Sorry 'bout that, Papa, but you see, we might have another way,” the Doctor told him, and he put on his brainy specs as he pointed to a computer with his sonic screwdriver. When Papa saw the screwdriver, his eyes opened wide and he gasped. Brainy Smurf ran over to him.

“What’s wrong, Papa Smurf?” he asked, looking from Papa and then to the Doctor and he too gasped. “Smurf us all! It’s the magic wand!”

The Doctor stopped and looked at his sonic screwdriver. “What? This? It’s just a sonic screwdriver,” he explained, staring at his screwdriver in confusion.

Rose walked over with Smurfette on her shoulder. “Papa, is that what this Gargamel bloke was wavin’ around shootin’ lightning at you?” Rose asked, concerned that they recognized the Doctor’s sonic.

“Absosmurfly,” Brainy answered, and then turned to Papa. “Sorry, Papa Smurf,” he told him and looked down, a bit embarrassed.

“Yes, Rose. That is very similar to Gargamel’s wand.”

The Doctor took off his glasses and looked intently at Papa. "You said it shot out lightning bolts. Was there a bright light and did it slice through things like a knife through a loaf of bread?”

“Yes. Gargamel laughed as he did these things. He seems to enjoy destruction,” Papa Smurf told him sadly.

“Listen very carefully, Papa, did he ever use the words Time Lord?” the Doctor asked with a haunted look on his face.

“No, not that I remember. Do you know him?”

“Oh, I sincerely hope not,” the Doctor replied, shaking his head. He looked up at Rose, worry creasing his forehead.

“Doctor, what are you thinkin'?” Rose asked.

“I’m not sure yet.” An alarm sounded, and the smurfs ran for cover.

Jake came out with Gutsy Smurf riding on his shoulder from the room where the rest of Smurfs were playing video games . “Doctor, what’s goin’ on?” he asked.

The Doctor raced back to the monitoring equipment. “Something’s come through!” he shouted. “It’s the level above us.”

Pete’s mobile rang. “What? Are you sure? Try and hold him off. I’ll send reinforcements up.” Pete turned to the Doctor. “I think the wizard is here.”

Brainy and Handy both jumped into Malcolm's pockets. Startled, Malcolm took a few steps and tripped, falling into a table. He looked down as two little blue heads peeked out of his pockets. “Yes, well now, smurfs, don’t fret. I’ll keep you safe.” He looked up at the Doctor. “Right, Doctor? You’ll take care of the wizard?” Malcolm paused at the Doctor’s smirk. “What am I saying? I mean, well, what do I mean? Do we know?”

“I doubt it’s a wizard. I’m afraid it could be worse than that,” the Doctor admitted, standing up and putting some things in his pockets.

Smurfette looked at him from Rose’s shoulder and put her hands together and batted her eyes at him. “Oh, my brave Doctor! You’ll smurf that evil old Gargamel, won’t you?” she asked.

“Of course! Can’t have some wizard threatening my new blue friends, now can I!” he replied enthusiastically.

Smurfette smiled brightly. “My smurf in shining armor!” she exclaimed, and turned to Rose. “Oh, Rose, he’s just so smurfy! You are such a lucky girl to have someone whose so smart and has such smurfy hair!”

Rose smiled brightly at Smurfette. "He is pretty smurftastic, isn’t he,” she said, smiling at Smurfette while she winked at the Doctor.

“Right, well, let’s head up to meet good ole evil Gargamel shall we!” the Doctor said, rubbing his hands together.

“You betcha arse!” Jake shouted out. “I want a piece of the evil wizard that threatened to eat these cute little smurfy things,” Jake proclaimed and turned to Gutsy Smurf and grinned.

Gutsy Smurf, dressed in a blue plaid kilt with a red sideburns and a cap, nodded. “Aye, Jake, my smurfy lad! Let’s smurf and get some smurfback from that dastardly wizard!” Gutsy Smurf said, flexing his blue muscles and dancing about on Jake’s shoulder, showing off some of his boxing moves.

Rose zipped up her jacket and prepared to leave with the Doctor, Jake and Pete. Brainy Smurf peeked out of Malcolm’s coat pocket.

“Smurfette can’t go. What if Gargamel smurfs you? Who will smurf her?“ Brainy told Rose with a stubborn look on his face.

Rose looked down at Smurfette. “You don’t need to come with us. You can stay here and take care of the other smurfs,” Rose told her seriously.

Smurfette turned and looked at Brainy with attitude. “I’m not going to smurf away while my friends go out to smurf Gargamel. Rose and I are best smurfs now. We smurfettes stick together. Right, Rose?”

Rose grinned at Smurfette. “Absolutely!”

It didn’t take them long to reach the corridor where the Torchwood agents were trying to hold back Gargamel. Jake and the Doctor took point as several Torchwood agents fell back and squatted down along the sides of the corridor and around the corner near the Doctor and Jake. They reported a blond humanoid dressed all in black shooting laser beams with a pen-like device in his hand.

The Doctor murmured, “No, it can’t be.” The Doctor peeked around the corner and saw the tall, thin blond with an evil smirk on his face practically dancing down the hall singing, “Oh, I’ll pickle a few and toast a few and a eat a few ice cold,” whilst lasering security cameras.

He stopped several meters from where they were hiding. “Where are you, you evil, horrible, little smurfs!” he shouted out with glee as a silver mechanical cat came running up beside him.

The Doctor leaned against he wall and looked down at Papa Smurf. He whispered, “The Master.”

Rose looked up at him. “You mean that psychotic Time Lord that tormented you and tried to take over the world?”

“Yeah, that’s the one,” the Doctor said, his face pale and eyes haunted.

“But I thought he was dead, that he didn’t’ regenerate,” Rose said, now worried about the Doctor.

“Well, apparently not. I don’t know how he did it, but that’s him. We need to put a stop to this right now. He’s too dangerous to be allowed to run about on his own. This is my responsibility.”

“Doctor,” Rose warned. “Remember, you’re part human now. No regeneration. You’re not running in there half cocked to face some psycho Time Lord. We’ll find another way.”

“Rose, there’s no time to argue. He didn’t kill me then, and he won’t now. I’ll be the distraction so you lot and try and sneak up and stun him. Understood?” Before anyone could argue, the Doctor yelled out “Master!”

The Master looked toward where they were hiding. “No, it can’t be.” The Doctor peeked around the corner again. The Master laughed. “Oh, this is too perfect! Not only do I get those rotten little do-gooders but I get the big sanctimonious one too!” he said with great glee as the silver cat hunched down in attack position. The Master looked down at silver kitty. “Now, now, Azrael, don’t fret. I’ll give you some of those disgusting blue smurfs to play with. The Doctor is mine.”

The Doctor strode forward and faced the Master. “Let them go, Master. You’ve got me. You don’t need them.”

The Master laughed. “Oh, Doctor, the one constant in the multiverse is your self-righteous belief that you can make every one better! How revolting and nauseating.”

“How is it you’re here?” the Doctor asked.

“You mean while you were weeping away over my corpse like some pathetic widow throwing herself on the funeral pyre. I transferred my essence toward a rift and manifested in a new reality, where I slowly rebuilt myself. Yes, I am that good, no need to gush over my magnificence and ingenuity. Oh, wait, I changed my mind. By all means, gush and worship my utter genius.” he told the Doctor, grinning and pleased with himself.

“Fine, yes, you’re an evil genius. Why smurfs?”

The Master’s face twisted into a revolted expression. “Haven’t you heard them! That never-ending, sickening singing and skipping about. It’s maddening! Besides, they’re blue and filled with life. If I harvest that energy, I’ll be invincible!” he ended with an insane glint to his eye.

The Doctor shook his head. “Why does it always have to be about living forever and ruling the universe.”

The Master turned to him and sneered. “You always were short-sighted and stupidly optimistic.” The Master paused and cocked his head to one side. “Oh, and what is that smell. What have you done to yourself! You smell like, like…oh, this is too good! You’re part human! You really went and mucked it up this time, didn’t you! He said with glee. “Oh, I can have so much fun with this!”

After his last tirade, Papa Smurf popped out of the Doctor’s coat and crawled up onto his shoulder. The Master's eyes widened. Azrael growled.

“Papa, no! This isn’t your fight. Let me handle this,” the Doctor pleaded.

“No, Doctor, Gargamel is here because of us. I won’t let you face this alone. It’s going to take both of us to defeat him.”

The Master laughed insanely and jumped up and down. Rose walked out and crossed her arms glaring at the Master with Smurfette on her shoulder, mimicking her. The Master’s smile brightened even more. “Oh, look! The little blue blonde brought a friend!”

“Rose, no!” the Doctor shouted, his eyes filled with fear for Rose.

“Rose, the girl who swallowed time. Oh, you and I are really going to have fun,” the Master told her, leering at her.

Rose had a disgusted expression on her face before she cocked her hip out and gave him the Tyler woman glare of doom. “Right, now see here, you psychotic megalomaniac. I’ve had just about enough of this. I’m tired of sittin’ here listening to you go on about your evil plan. Honestly, it’s not even that interesting. Least you could do was threaten to blow up the galaxy or something. I mean really, chasin’ after smurfs and then you can’t even catch them. You’re a bit rubbish of an evil genius, aren’t you?” she told him, with attitude.

“Rose is smurfing right! You and that mean, old, terrible Azrael couldn’t smurf your way out of the forest even if you had a guide smurfing your way!” Smurfette told them with attitude and raised her head up haughtily.

“I won’t be taunted by some primitive, little, blue, blonde-headed rodent!” the Master raged. At about that time, he felt something drop on him from the ceiling. He jumped and screamed out as Gutsy Smurf danced about on his shoulder, punching his face.

The enraged Master’s face contorted in anger. “Why, you perky, little, blue nuisance! How dare you!” the Master shouted out. As the Master was fighting off Gutsy, the Doctor pulled out his sonic and aimed it at the Master’s laser screwdriver. Azrael was hunching down, razor sharp claws protruding from his mechanical feet as he prepared to attack the Doctor. Papa Smurf pulled a small potion bottle from his hat and threw it at Azrael, freezing him as the Doctor disabled the Master’s laser screwdriver. Jake peeked out of the ceiling, watching Gutsy pound on the Master.

“That’s it, Gutsy, give him a right cross!” Jake shouted as he dropped out from the ceiling crawl space. Soon Torchwood agents and smurfs alike rushed the Master. Once things had calmed down and the Master, suffering from a swollen and blackened eye, was handcuffed and held by two Torchwood agents, the smurfs all shouted out in celebration.

The Doctor pocketed the Master’s laser screwdriver and turned to Papa on his shoulder. “That was brilliant, Papa!”

Papa smiled at the Doctor. “It is an honor to protect all that is good with such a noble wizard,” Papa answered him and smiled.

The Doctor smiled and looked down a bit. “Welll, I don’t know if I’d go that far.”

Jake and Gutsy were high-fiving each other when Pete walked up. “Right, so evil wizard sorted then. Now, about getting our little blue friends home…." Just then, the building shook.

The Doctor shouted out, “It‘s happening again!” A spot on the wall shimmered as reality warped startling everyone.

While the guards were distracted, the Master worked his way loose and ran toward the anomaly. He turned and stared back at the Doctor and Papa. “This isn’t over! I’ll be back you rotten little smurfs!” The Master winked at the Doctor and dove head first, still manacled, into the anomaly as the Doctor shouted “Noooo!”

The anomaly closed as soon as the Master dove in. The Doctor sighed. Pete immediately ordered an evacuation of everyone from the corridor and that it was to be sealed until further notice. The agents picked up the still frozen Azrael, and everyone made their way back to Malcolm’s lab.

After it was all said and done, the Doctor sat with the smurfs, Rose, Malcolm, Pete and Jake in Malcolm’s office, enjoying a cup of tea.

“So, what’s next?” Pete asked.

The Doctor turned to Papa. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Papa, but when the Master jumped into the rift, it caused some sort of dimensional overload and sealed it. I can’t risk reopening it without destroying both our worlds.”

There was much murmuring among the smurfs. Smurfette curled up on Rose’s shoulder, and big tears fell down her face. Grumpy Smurf stomped out before everyone with his arms crossed. “I hate rifts!” he declared and stomped off to a corner to sulk.

“There, there, smurfs. I know these have been trying times, but we must be thankful for what we have. We have made wonderful new friends in this world, and we will build a new village for ourselves here,” Papa Smurf told all of the smurfs with a gentle smile.

“That’s right!” the Doctor agreed. “And I know just the place where you can all settle,” he answered with a smile and looked over to Rose. Rose smiled brightly and nodded her head. “You see, Rose and I live in this old house in the country, and we happen to have this enormous garden that we hardly use. Seems to me, might be a great place for you lot build a village. It’s safe, and no one would come tromping through or cause you any harm. What do you think, Papa?”

Papa smiled brightly. “We’d be honored, Doctor!”

Smurfette smiled and jumped up and looked at Rose. “How smurfy!” she told Rose excitedly.

Rose walked over and sat next the Doctor so Smurfette could rejoin the other smurfs. The smurfs all began to sing and dance. Pete murmured about how this would be an interesting report. Jake just grinned and winked at the Doctor.

Rose looked up at the Doctor. “Doctor, will it be okay? I mean, do you think the Master will come back?”

“I don’t know, Rose. But I’ll tell you one thing, it’ll never be dull.” He looked over at the singing and dancing smurfs. “It’s going to be smurftastic!” he told her with a huge grin on his face.

* * *

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.  
  



End file.
